My Place

My husband and I live in two different worlds or that is how it feels most of the time. He is from an Island in the Bahamas and I from a state in the USA. He is the youngest of 15 children. I am the middle child of 3 girls. I grew up with a single mother and stepfathers, he has always had a two parent home. He is black and I am white. I could go on and on about our differences.

It was our dreams for a better life and future that attracted me to this man, not to mention I liked his looks. I feel like I fell in love with his WORDS online more than the man  he is. Out of the 4 years we have known each other, we have spent less than 8 months face to face. This makes it very hard to know whether or not you really know a person. I would do things much differently if I had a... DO OVER CARD.  I wish life where kinda like the game of LIFE.. u had get out of jail free cards, and do over cards, and cash in on this cards... lol.. but that is not how it goes.

I asked my husband if he was taking care of himself and he responded with "I'm doing the best I can, the kids come first" I think I over-reacted a bit at that.. becuz I took it out of context. Like excuse me.. NO.. I come first. I NEED MY H-U-S-B-A-N-D TO SHOW ME THAT I COME FIRST. I am his wife, I am two weeks away from giving birth to OUR first child together and part of me is sooo hormonal and angry that our circumstances SUCK.. that we both have children already and are from two different countries and I ask myself.. WHY? Why this man? What made me fall in love with him?

I feel like I fell in love with his words and our future plans and dreams and goals. I didn't TRULY realize how many hurdles we would have to jump.. even though I did know.. I KNEW IT WOULD BE HARD.. and I went for it anyway. I have resentment becuz I paid and coordinated OUR ENTIRE WEDDING MYSELF.. with the help of MY friends. What does he do for me or make me feel that ANOTHER man could NOT?

I feel SECOND to his life, his kids, and him.. when I should feel FIRST.. as his wife.

Can our marriage survive our trials? I'm not sure.