Venting

ya know...I know some people mean well... and maybe my hormones are just raging high! (which they are) I'm hecka pregnant. I'm 37 weeks and could have this baby any day now. Even though i'm not DUE..til April 10th. So many people SAY they can be there for me. But in all REALITY I feel very very ALONE in this. I really wish I felt like people meant what they said. That they want to give me rides or be there for me.. or help me through LABOR, but I just don't trust that easily. When I really needed someone to pull through and take me to the hospital. When I was so scared, 911 was there. NO ONE answered there phones and it hurt. At least it wasn't LABOR pain and contractions. I know thousands of women give birth every day.. maybe more.. but my circumstances are extremely unique. DOESN'T ANYONE GET THAT???  I wish I had a more supportive and financially stable husband but I don't. I wish he were here and helpful, but he's not. And the sad truth is, EVEN IF HE WERE HERE... I think it would have made my pregnancy WORSE.. not better. I have always had to provide and take care of him.. take care of my daughter. Now... Is the time.. I WISH.. I had someone who I felt could take care of ME.. and I DIDN'T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT TAKING UP THERE TIME or TAKING THEM AWAY FROM THEIR LIVES OR FAMILIES. I suppose this is all a a self-worth gig. Maybe if I felt  WORTH IT.. I wouldn't feel like serving ME.. was a drain instead of a JOY.  Lord, please help me to learn to love myself in a positive way, and open my eyes to the fact that I am worth all the fuss in the world!!!!!!!!!!!!